I just spent time with a friend who is going through a lot of heartache.
When I am with someone who is hurting, I want to help them. I want to uplift and give hope for tomorrow. Often I turn to encouraging words in an attempt to comfort to others.
But there’s something I struggle with; does being hopeful about the future mean I am being insensitive to the present pain?
I believe in honesty.
Here is some truth: sometimes life is downright miserable. This is a fact. If this is a fact, then, is it a lie to be optimistic in the midst of this fact? Does hopefulness mean you’re ignoring the present circumstances? Does being positive=being fake?
I don’t think so, but I have been wrong before. Once, I shared what I thought was a word of encouragement with my friend. She coldly snapped back and said “Don’t patronize me, Jane”. In her mind, I was belittling by throwing frivolous encouragement her way. She felt I was masking the situation with positivity and not meeting her where she was at.
How can I instil hope in someone’s future while being truthful about the painful situation they are in today?
I believe in trying to find the silver lining, in my own life and in the lives of others. But am I devaluing someone’s experience by searching for the sliver when they don’t want it to be found? How do I meet people where they are at, while trying to lift them higher?
I once saw a documentary of a daredevil who tightrope walked across the Twin Towers in New York. This man was determined, dare I say, optimistic even. Yet with his zeal, he had to be aware of the reality below. A tightrope walker must stand upright, eyes wide open, while acknowledging the precarious situation beneath. He must know where his feet are planted at all times.
Sometimes, when dealing with the heartache of others, I feel like I must do just that: walk carefully as I tread the line between hope and reality.
I don’t have all the answers but I guess all I can do is stand tall, look ahead and be honest about the reality below, and hope that I am meeting people where they are at, while lifting them higher.
The tightrope walk is perplexing indeed.