Recently, I was visiting a friend who is feeling very defeated and depressed.
In a feeble attempt to help her, I gave my friend a book about living life with intention and setting goals.
Apparently, giving her this book was not helpful. At all. Instead of offering inspiration, the pages magnified her feelings of desperation.
Her voice vibrating with grief, she said to me: ” Jane, after reading that book, I realize I am depleted in every area. My life is bankrupt, I am impoverished. I have no hope.”
She was crying as she said this.
I didn’t dare try to convince her otherwise.
It’s a strange world, the world of tears.
And what did I know, anyway?
Then she said something that I found both sorrowful and confounding: “Jane, my life is very dark right now. It’s dark sludge everywhere. I can’t have any hope when I am living in the sludge, it’s far too painful. Hope can’t live in the dark, hope goes away when the darkness comes.”
But oh, dear friend, I am confused. Doesn’t the opposite hold true? Isn’t it true that we can’t afford to let go of our hope in the midst of the muck and the mire?
Having hope is difficult, yes.
Sometimes it’s wretchedly painful to have something you long for so badly, yet, you can’t move forward, you can’t break free, no matter how hard you try.
And it makes your heart sick.
Because hope deferred makes the heart sick.
But the alternative, to give up and relinquish it all, that makes the heart sick too.
But, my friend, I could not convince you otherwise. You have made up your mind on the matter. You shun out the light. You say that it is not welcome in this dark place. You let go of all hope, because letting go feels safer. If you give up, you don’t risk being disappointed.
I have to wonder though, are you better off now? Now that you have released all expectation of goodness to come your way? Or, does part of you secretly wish that you were still wishing for something?
I wish my friend could grasp the possibility that is before her. I wish she could see the potential that each breath and heartbeat brings. I wish my friend could fight and find an ounce of strength, so she could fight and find an ounce of hope.
I believe that hope can live in the darkness. In fact, I believe that an ounce of hope can prevail through a sea darkness.
I believe there is hope, always.
But, what do I know, anyway?